So often I am seeking some sort of breakthrough.
It’s like I want to believe that if I do the work eventually I will wake up a different person with absolutely no problems. Or at least much fewer problems. Or maybe different, easier problems.
I want to be able to look at yesterday, last week, last month, last year, and say “aha, that is the moment everything changed.”
I realized something this morning though.
Breakthroughs are relative.
When I first read 10% Happier by Dan Harris, I imagined that if I started meditating I would suddenly become this zen calm person. I didn’t think it would happen on day 1. I don’t even think I expected it to happen with in the year. But it was an expectation.
Well since I read that book, I have started and stopped meditating many times.
I’m proud to say that I’ve meditated every day for a month as of today.
And today I had a breakthrough.
I didn’t suddenly understand everything.
I haven’t forgiven everyone (myself included) or accepted everything (myself included).
But for the first time in a week I was able to keep my mind calm for more than one breath cycle.
And that is a huge breakthrough.
Because I could have quit.
Every day for the past week when I sat down and tried to breathe and my mind kept racing.
I could have quit.
But I didn’t.
I chose to sit down every day.
And today I finally found some peace.
And that is a breakthrough in and of itself.