This is typically the day I post “Beautiful Words” quotes, mainly from books, but sometimes from songs, podcasts, or anything that I happen to consume. Recently, this is the day I post quotes from Roxane Gay’s Hunger. And there is one more of those coming next week, so hopefully you’re not sick of them yet.
Today, however, is my birthday.
Last year my birthday was a mess.
For whatever reason, I was emotionally raw. I was convinced no one would remember my birthday. I was worried that not that many people would post happy birthday on my Facebook wall.
Under the advice of someone misguided who loves me very much I got rid of my Facebook the day before my birthday last year.
Of my four closest friends, only one wished me a happy birthday.
My birthday lunch with my family involved a lot of drama that had nothing to do with me.
To summarize it, until I went out to dinner with my then partner, I felt that that day was not about me at all. And dinner and his treatment of me on my birthday truly made up for all of that.
This year we are not together. This year I was convinced my birthday without him there to save it would be absolutely terrible. Thanks to my own work on myself, I realized getting rid of Facebook was not the answer.
Thanks to a great therapist, I faced something I was too sad to admit, that I was dreading my birthday. Thanks to her well-guided advice, I sat down, and figured out exactly what it was that I want on my birthday. And I’m making that happen.
I’m excited for my birthday today. I’m excited to be celebrating this day with new friends that I’ve welcomed into my life this past year.
It’s true that a lot of things aren’t where I imagined they would be when I turned 27, and it’s true that sometimes I’m upset about that. But it’s also true that I have chosen to focus on the good. I have chosen to stay hopeful. I have chosen to try (to the best of my ability) to approach life with more love and less fear.
Happy Birthday to me!