Today I went to a reiki healer.
I’ve always been intrigued by energy stuff. I grew up with a sister who reads tarot cards, so that was my introduction to this particular arena. I’ve also always been kind of ashamed of this interest.
But in the last few years (since going to see a psychic a few years ago), my interest in other areas (chakras, crystals, meditation, EFT, etc.) has really grown.
For the most part, I focus on meditation, but when I got my tarot cards read by a stranger for the first time in years last month and she told me my throat chakra needed work, I decided to really test out the waters.
I read some stuff about chakras. I followed her advice–singing to myself in the car, telling people how I felt (or sometimes just saying it out loud to myself), finding ways to express anger. But still, I was curious about reiki. So, after a few weeks of consideration, I decided to book an appointment.
It was kind of hard for me to get into it, to be honest. The space she was in was very loud (it was a spa with other clients coming in and out), at one point a phone started buzzing and I was embarrassed, worrying it was mine, and halfway through I really needed to pee.
Although nothing she said today really surprised me, it was really interesting to hear her observations. She said my solar plexus chakra was really strong so that, while I do struggle expressing myself to others, the motivation behind my transformation is really strong.
She talked about a few images that came up while she was working on my heart chakra (the area she spent the most time on). She said she saw me as a child, fearful of approaching others, but still playing in a corner by myself. She said she saw me planting a garden, unsure of how old I was. She saw me trying to confidently share of myself, but struggling to do so.
We talked a lot about the fear and hurt of losing people, and about how letting that fear hold me back would be undo a lot of the work that I’m trying to do. But she’s right, I am scared of the people I might lose as I grow and move forward.
I’ve lost a lot of friends in my life. Usually it was the result of moving and eventually losing touch, but a few times it was more intentional than that. Weirdly, both situations hurt about the same. I am logically aware that people come and go, and there is nothing I can do to control that. But I am still struggling with the idea of how my straying too far from this character I’ve played for so long might alienate people I care about.
She also pulled a few tarot cards for me that aided in the conversation.
So do I feel healed? No. But I do feel more confident, more self-aware. Here I am writing about this experience instead of hiding it away in shame. And after this session I went to a soaking house in Portland and I didn’t wear a swimsuit! So maybe…
Am I going to continue on this path? I’m not sure. But I’m glad I’m exploring this world. Apparently there’s all sorts of energy healing out there, so there’s lots more to try! I am glad that I’m talking about this exploration instead of being ashamed about it and hiding it. So that’s a start!