Today

Today I adulted a lot, and now I’m tired.

Today is a beautiful, bright, sunny day, but I’m still tired.

Today I fight this guilt in me, this guilt that screams “It’s nice out! Why are you in bed?!” And listen to my body that’s saying, “I’m tired.” And I’m basking in the sun, in my apartment, through the window, trying to find peace.

Today the battery in my car died. It was four and a half years old. Well past its prime. And the first thought I had was “I’m so grateful this didn’t happen two weeks ago stranding my friend in Bend.”

My next thought was, “this is so shitty why do I even need a car?!” Next I brought myself back from that ledge, reminding myself that this car has been there for me loyally for nearly 50,000 miles. It drove me from Michigan to Pittsburgh and back countless times. Once doing the whole loop in less than 24 hours. It drove me half way across the country when I decided to leave Michigan for good.

After walking back and forth, in and out, sure that my neighbors thought that something had finally given up in me. After a nice man offered to help me jumpstart my car. After another nice couple offered to help. When my car was running again and I arrived to the auto parts store. After I couldn’t move my car to a closer parking space because once it was off, it wasn’t starting again without a jump. After the nice guy at the auto parts store helped me change my battery. When I was driving home confident that my car would start again if I stopped somewhere on the way. I thought to myself “Thank something that my battery didn’t die last night, after the movie, at 11:30 PM when I wasn’t close to home, wasn’t able to walk back and forth, in and out of my apartment.”

So now, grateful and tired, I’m calling an end to today’s adulting. I’m taking a nap. I’m taking it slow. Because all this exhausted me. And today that’s ok.

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