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There’s this person in my life that I resent.

I have pretty much always resented her.

In my mind, she is potentially the most horrible person that I personally know.

I know this is weird to share.

But I’ve been trying to write a post about this topic all day, and I decided, although I try to stay positive, that coming out and sharing my hate is the best way to do it.

I find this person selfish. I find her careless. I find her rude. I find her hot-headed. I find her inconsiderate. I find her irresponsible. And the thing that drives me the most crazy, is that with all these negative qualities I feel that she has, she appears to be getting every single thing she wants.

But the truth of the matter is, this woman knows what she wants and she goes for it. And as our goals begin to differ, I’m realizing that that, more than anything is what I both hate and envy her for.

I’m still in search of what I want.

I have a seed of an idea. That’s a lie. I have about a hundred seeds of ideas of what I think I want. The truth is, what I know I want is pretty abstract and it kind of scares me.

The truth is, I know what I want, but am very unsure of how to achieve it.

This woman’s goals, at least the ones she outwardly projects, are very concrete very tangible goals. And she doesn’t let anyone or anything get in the way of her achieving them. And as I’ve come to realize this, along with my resentment towards her have formed some feelings of admiration.

I hope that when I wrap my mind around how to achieve my abstract goal, I go for it with the same tenacity that this woman does. I think she might even serve as inspiration when that day comes. Until then, I hope I can let my feelings of admiration grow next to my feelings of resentment and maybe even overpower them.

Because these negative feelings cause me more harm and cause no one any good.

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