I’ve been seriously loving my Fridays.
Yesterday, I told my counselor that I couldn’t think of a single time I was annoyed for more than 30 seconds last weekend. She asked why I thought that was. And I told her I think my weeks have been so blah that my weekends have become sacred fun times. And this week, with the cloudiness back in our midst (and the dropped temperatures and the rain), was even rougher than last week. So this weekend, I intend on having an equally (if not more) awesome weekend than last.
There are a couple of things I realllllly want to talk about today, friendship and mindfulness. But, alas, I only want to focus on one scary thing at a time here on Fearless Friday. And I’m going to choose mindfulness today. I think talking about friendship in this context might make me cry. And I’m at work. And I don’t feel like crying right now. Cause the sun is back out and the weekend is only 6 hours away!
Mindfulness is one of those things that seem to come up a lot for me lately. And it’s been coming up in seemingly unrelated contexts.
One of my best friends from high school talked to me a bit about mindfulness (but not even under that guise) this past fall. She had gone to a silent retreat and when she shared that with me, I was mainly confused as to why. But soon after I happened upon the book 10% Happier by Dan Harris. I read it. I swore I’d live by it. I asked my mom to read it (pretty sure she didn’t) with the full intent of asking my entire family to read it (because we’re all variations of the same person, and also because my dad had gotten us all to read the same business book last year and I decided to copy him, but with personal development instead). I swore I was going to read it again, and start meditating (which is what leads to mindfulness), and definitely probably read some of the references Dan pointed to at the end of the book…
Wellllll I didn’t. I have meditated a little here and there. Not regularly by any means. And not even by sitting down and doing it. I usually threw like a two minute meditation at the end of my yoga or post-run stretch routine.
And then I started following The Anti-Diet Project by Kelsey Miller (and others) which led me to her book Big Girl. This book is not just about how mindful eating (one of the many tools used in intuitive eating) helped Kelsey change her relationship with food (and by change, I mean neutralize, ahhhh a neutralized relationship with food sounds wonderful right now). In a twist I didn’t expect (spoiler alert), it’s also about how Kelsey then applied mindfulness to the rest of her life. Now, she doesn’t go into this nearly as extensively as the food stuff, because, after all, the topic of the book is her relationship with food. But she touches on it. Just enough to remind me that I was supposed to be working on my freaking mindfulness since October.
Last week (I think) I told my counselor/therapist/awesome confidant lady that one of my greatest fears is that I’ll go through life on auto-pilot. Specifically, I’m scared of doing that at work, but really I’m scared that if I do it at work, it’ll seep into the rest of my life. As I write this, I’m realizing that the tool to use against auto-pilot is mindfulness. It’s being aware. But not just of the good (the sun, the weekend, the down time) but also the bad (the rain, the work-frustration, the boredom). The bad is also part of life. It cannot be avoided. But by ignoring it, maybe I’m normalizing my brain to ignore too much.
I don’t think my meditating habit will change. At least not any time soon. But I think I can learn to be mindful in other ways. At least I hope I can. If not, I’ll start meditating soon. I hope 🙂